When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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