here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
