Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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