there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
please come you make the beer taste better
Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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