I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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