Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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