There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
this beer tastes like vomit already
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i think we sleep fucked last night...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
