im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
