Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel like abortions should bother me more
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
