i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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