Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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