My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
