wanna go halves on a baby?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
