ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
