I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
