How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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