If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
