i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
