fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
