I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
