my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
