btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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