Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
