either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
