Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
