Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
