Im at strip club and am horny
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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