She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
