Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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