woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
