fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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