Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
