HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Randomize
