Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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