she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
