she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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