...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
