You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
