There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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