I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
