It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
