I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
