Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
