Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's like iHOP with fire
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
