I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
