Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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