Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
