come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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