adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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