matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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