My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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