Umm I'm too high to move.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
