Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
