what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize