I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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