I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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