I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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