margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
