Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
