I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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