Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
