Porn is love you can see.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
