plz talk dirty to me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
