I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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