He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
