I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
