What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
