halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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