Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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