dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
