I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
