we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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