Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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