Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
