If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
