i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize