I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
