Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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