so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
