All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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