Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
