I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize