They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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