all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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