You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
