Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
