moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
