Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
