I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize