Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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