so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
