Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
